Have you ever been in a relationship where you think you are doing everything you can to make your partner feel loved but they still feel frustrated and unappreciated? You shower them with compliments, give them gifts, and help them out with the chores around the house, but nothing seems to work. You are left wondering if you are doing something wrong? What more do they want? Well, chances are the reason they are acting distant is because you are not speaking their love language.
This is what Dr Gary Chapman attempts to explain in his international bestseller, The 5 love languages: The Secret to the love that lasts. It reflects the complexities that couples face in relationships today. Diving deep into the intricacies, Chapman reveals an important truth that is often overlooked by partners. Your partner’s definition of love may not be the same as yours. People don’t give and receive love in the same way. It is important to understand this because if you are not on the same page as your loved one, then you could be missing the mark completely and not even know it.
Think about it. Would you be able to understand someone who speaks Spanish if you don’t know the language? No! This is how couples who don’t speak each other’s love language feel in a relationship. Hence, the importance of understanding your partner cannot be understated. In this book, Chapman talks about 5 love languages that can help couples experience deeper, richer levels of intimacy in their relationship. Let’s take a look at them.
Words of affirmation
In a relationship, couples rarely share the same love language. Some may prefer spending quality time with their partner, while others long for hearing thoughtful words from their loved ones. If your partner looks for hearing I love you or compliments above all else, and cannot tolerate rudeness, insults or even a brusque tone, then words of affirmation may be their love language. If you want to strengthen your relationship, give your partner genuine compliments. If they are going through a rough patch, give them a call or send a text to encourage them. Simple words like I believe in you, you can do it; I wouldn’t be able to do this without you or I’m so impressed by you can do wonders for their confidence and bring you closer to them.
Quality time
The quality time corresponds to moments you share with your partner, away from all the distractions of the world. Your phone is silent, the TV is switched off. It’s just you and your partner and no one to disturb you. It is your time together. Chapman writes, “Quality time does not mean that we have to spend our together moments gazing into each other’s eyes. It means that we are doing something together and that we are giving our full attention to the other person.” If this is your partner’s love language, spend more time with them rather than being glued to your phone. Ask them what they want and don’t assume anything. Listen to them when they are talking and read between lines.
Comments