Why What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing is a must-read

Just as joy is part of life, so is a certain amount of hardship. And just like a lot of our happiness originates from the things or people that matter to us, so does a certain amount of trauma and despair. For instance, if someone is asked, “What’s the biggest challenge you faced in the past five years?” a lot of us today tend to  think of the pandemic. It was indeed a tough time for all of us—we were forced to stay indoors, many of us lost loved ones and a majority struggled emotionally and mentally on a regular basis. Not being able to go out or see friends and family added to the feeling of isolation and loneliness. It was tough overall and it tested everyone’s patience.

During this difficult time, Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D Perry’s book, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing, was released. For a lot of us, it couldn’t have come at a better time. The book helped readers understand how trauma, especially childhood trauma, affects us, why we react the way we do and how we can start the process of healing. Reading the book felt like a friend was guiding us through our toughest emotions.

The book, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing, dives deep into trauma and healing. Just like dealing with the pandemic, there are many types of challenges that humans face on a daily basis. While some challenges can be surmounted easily, traumas of specific kinds take time and patience. Here, Dr Perry’s psychological knowledge combined with Winfrey’s wisdom makes the book a great read for anyone who wants to understand how trauma affects the brain and how we can build resilience.

So, let’s explore a few key lessons learnt from What Happened to You? to understand the impact of trauma and begin the process of healing.

Understand trauma and its origins

We all go through tough times in life. Whether it’s grappling with the death of a dear one, witnessing someone close to us battle an illness or enduring years of emotional abuse by a narcissistic partner, life has a way of testing us. And these dark experiences can leave deep scars. They can make the sufferer carry the weight of these events unknowingly for years, shaping how they react to the world around them.

One of the most important lessons from the book Why What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing is about how childhood trauma affects us deeply, often without us even realising it.

Further, many people are not even aware of the fact that trauma isn’t just about major life events, it can stem from everyday challenges as well. Winfrey and Dr Perry state that understanding where our behaviours and emotions come from can help us approach our struggles with more empathy and compassion. It can help us realise that trauma doesn’t define us, it is something that has to be acknowledged, understood and dealt with gentleness. That is how we heal and take control of our lives.

Ask the right questions

Imagine, you’re having a tough day at work and a friend or a family member asks you, “What’s wrong with you?” In that moment, you may feel defensive, misunderstood or even angry. This book stresses on the importance of asking, “What happened to you?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”

To explain it succinctly, asking what happened encourages understanding and empathy. This shift in perspective is essential when talking about trauma because it helps us see people not as damaged but as individuals who have faced difficult circumstances and are working through them. This change in asking the right question changes the mindset itself and allows us to approach ourselves and others with more kindness and a willingness to heal.