Question: I get into conflicts with a lot of people at work. Sometimes it’s very silly. I feel some days I give a lot of negativity. When others react to me, I get hurt very easily.
Answer: You start getting negative, then they react, then you feel hurt. It seems you start the process of being negative.
You have understood a good insight. Then it can be dropped, there is no problem. It is very difficult to drop it when you think that they start it; then you cannot do anything. That’s what everybody goes on doing—throwing responsibility on the other. Then you are helpless, because it is up to them whether they stop or not. But your insight is perfectly true. You are honest, and you have seen the point that you start it, they react, then you feel hurt.
Just see the point that your negativity is your negativity. They should not be victims, they don’t create it in any way. You should not let your steam off on them, because they are innocent, they have not done anything to you. That’s why they react, and when they react it hurts—not because they react, it hurts because you started the process. If you want flowers to shower on you, present flowers to people. If you want to abuse, then abuse them. They always return the same. This is the law of life.
One must remember that the people who are associates at work are not at all concerned with your inner life. That is your work to do. They have their own inner life to work out. They have their negative moods, they have their personal problems, anxieties, just as you have. But when you are working with somebody you need not bring that in, because if they start bringing in all their negativities and you start bringing in all your negativities, it will be a non-ending process. One simply must see it.
Once in a while, it is good to call whosoever is working with you and ask them if you have been negative to them, if they are feeling hurt.
If you are feeling negative, do something. For example, write a very, very negative note and burn it. Beat a pillow and throw it. Have a terrible dance. You must work it out, it is your problem. By throwing it on other people you complicate it. Rather than dissolving, it becomes more complicated. They react, then you react, and there is no end to it—it goes on ad infinitum. Then you are both carrying wounds and you are ready to explode again.
You must protect others from yourself. You can shower your love. If you cannot do that then at least be polite. If you cannot do even that then at least don’t be negative. And your negativity you must solve on your own.
Once in a while, it is good to call whosoever is working with you and ask them if you have been negative to them, if they are feeling hurt. Because sometimes one may not know that one has been negative. Small, small gestures, just a word, even just a silence, can be hurtful; the way you look can be hurtful. So, once in a while, call them and ask their forgiveness. Tell them, “Every time I call you, you have to be true. Just tell me, because I am a human being and sometimes things can go wrong from my side and I have to put them right.”
Take care of your personal problems. I know they are there, but they will disappear. There is nothing to be worried about. But this strategy has to be followed. Nobody should suffer your negativity, otherwise, your work will become a kind of encounter and it will be very, very burdensome.
And what is happening in your love life now? It is always somewhere around love that the problems arise.
Osho is known for his revolutionary contribution to the science of inner transformation, with an approach to meditation that acknowledges the accelerated pace of contemporary life.