How many times do you think “Oh! I don’t want my spouse to get upset with me!” “If I say this, my sister would be really upset with me.” “Oh boy, if I miss today’s meeting, my boss would be very upset with me”.
All our life, we really think or at least don’t want to upset people around us. Concern and care is different from worry. We do have to take care of the feelings and emotions of people around us or generally any human being for that matter. But we do really get caught up with too many thoughts about what people’s reactions would be to our actions. There is fear of people’s reactions towards me.
This fear:
- makes me anxious, nervous
- makes me postpone decisions
- avoid / neglect / go around
- extremely worried and bothered
- I suppress myself
- I am uncomfortable
- I don’t get motivated to do anything new
- I lose my happiness
So why do I get this fear? What causes it?
This is because I am too concerned about others. When I am doing something beneficial and righteous (in the true sense, not something right in view), I have to let go of the fear and use my courage to go ahead and do it. I need not bother about people getting upset with me. It is okay. They will understand one day. Eventually they will get my point and pure intention.
I do what I have to do. If I keep holding my decisions or actions until the other person is pleased or approves, I can never be happy and peaceful, nor can I hope to accomplish anything worthwhile. I will be stuck up and can only describe my misery. For example, if I love doing social work on weekends and if my friends are upset with me because of my non-availability for a party or so, I can follow my heart and need not worry about people getting upset with me.
Not always, one can explain the reasoning for one’s actions. One’s pure and good intentions cannot be understood sometimes by another. The other might not find sense in something that the other cherishes. Giving space to others is very essential, but if you are not given your space, stop worrying and feeling bad; go ahead and let time explain everything for you. I should also develop a ‘never mind’ attitude. It is necessary to free myself from all the above mentioned emotions of fear because fear steals peace.
However, this doesn’t mean that I become arrogant and mean in my behaviour. I do have to stay polite, firm and keep my mind undisturbed from these thoughts of people getting upset. I need to perform action with peace and love.
I understand and know ‘yes, this is going to upset him/her’ but I am going to do it anyway. I am true to myself and I do have to tolerate the consequences troubles, bad-name, comments, criticism, obstacles, upset-faces, silence reminding myself that the other person is ignorant of my intention and it is his/her weakness to believe that he/she can control people.
Some souls use it as a threat. They know that you will revert or change your mind if they show that they are upset with you, e.g. if the wife is upset with her husband’s decision and she persists being upset, eventually her husband might change his decision.
I am not here to please anyone. I have my own certain ambitions and goals in life. The truth is I cannot please others all the time. People may not like everything I do or speak. They may become upset or irritated with me, but it is not within my scope to go and make them feel better. I can change myself according to others but not to that extent that I lose my spiritual identity or uniqueness.
If I am on the verge of pleasing someone or my motto is to please someone constantly, hurt is guaranteed. No matter how much I do things in a proper way, people will still find something to complain about me. So shake it off, maintain focus and keep moving.
Reflection:
Who do you think will get upset with you the most?
What happens to you when you are with them?
Try to be fearless with that person and do one fearless act a week.