To arrive at forgiveness, one has to pass through four stages.
The first is the stage of hurt. Someone has wronged me, done something mean to me. Someone has been unfair to me and I cannot forget it. I feel hurt. The hurt keeps on throbbing within me. It is here that we must remember that it is not I who feels hurt, but the ego. Those that are at this stage naturally hold grudges, not realising that the person who holds a grudge injures himself more than the one against whom the grudge is held.
Hurt leads to hate, which is the second stage. I cannot forget how much I have been hurt and I cannot send out thoughts of goodwill to my enemy. In some cases, I hate the person so much that I want him or her to suffer, as much as I am suffering.
Then comes the third stage of healing. God’s grace descends on me and I begin to see the person who has hurt me in a new light. I begin to understand his or her difficulty. My memory is healed and I am free again.
Then comes the fourth stage of coming together. I am anxious to make friends with the person who hurt me, I invite him into my life. I share my love with him and we both move to a new and healed relationship.