5 questions to ask before you decide to give up on a relationship

As if the universe knew that I would be writing on relationships, I stumbled upon two social media posts, focused on breakups in quick succession, in relevant online communities.  One of the posts unveiled the intriguing story of a couple who parted ways only to get back together and value the companionship even more. The other post, by an overwhelmed mother, talked about the painful breakup of her teenaged daughter and how she was unable to cope with the crisis at hand.

A breakup or giving up on a relationship is one of the hardest losses that one goes through. We choose relationships with which we are not born. A partner provides us with companionship, fulfilling our emotional and physical needs and sharing with us a common vision for life. A relationship, however pleasurable in the beginning, will go through many challenges as life takes on. It is then natural that one may also come to the dilemma of giving up on a relationship when the going gets tough.

According to a study published in the Social Psychology and Personality Science journal, there is a scientific basis of why breaking up with someone is so hard. Researchers found that there are about 27 basic reasons for staying in a relationship such as emotional intimacy, investment and a sense of obligation. Similarly, there are 23 basic reasons for breaking up that include issues with a partner’s personality, breach of trust and partner withdrawal.

If you have reached the other spectrum of a relationship and are facing turbulent times, it is pertinent to ask yourself a few questions before deciding on the fate of the relationship further:

How will the end of relationship improve my life?

Sometimes, a few troughs overpower the crests, and the relationship starts dwindling. When you decide to walk the path of life together, the daily challenges and the not so regular issues pose difficulties at certain periods. The initial euphoria turns to sobriety and then comes a time when one has to brace himself from certain threats. When one fails to adjust or accept the changing situation, the relationship suffers.

That is why when you start mulling over giving up, you must visualize how your life would look like in the absence of this partner? Give due thought and time to look at every scenario, instead of rushing to call off the relationship. A rational perspective, where you have weighed all pros and cons, will go a long way in saving a relationship.

Am I not growing in this relationship?

A relationship needs loads of effort and attention to sustain it and keep it growing. As an individual, you need to grow too. When a conflict arises between your own growth and the partnership, it poses a challenge. A balance is what keeps the relationship blooming. Both the partners need to grow in a relationship, to keep it thriving.

So ask yourself if you and the partner are growing individually too. This fragile balance, if not maintained, can have a drastic impact on the entire scenario. Even if apparently, all the needs and wants are met, the diminished growth of any one partner can have a terrible impact on the relationship. Try to look deeper, find the causes and address the issue in order to save a healthy relationship.

Have I talked enough?

There are many aspects of a partnership that need to be observed. Often, an open and clear communication is the way forward to iron out the differences in perspectives.

Remember those times when leisurely evenings were spent talking amongst family members during electricity outages or otherwise. Those times were not dependent on screens for entertainment or escape. The ‘Switch Off’ study conducted by Cybermedia Research on “Smartphones and their impact on human relationships 2022′ had an interesting revelation – 67% respondents confessed to being on their phones even while spending time with their spouses. 89% of the respondents said that they spend less time engaging in relaxed conversation with their spouses. The study also found that smartphone users agree that in-person engagements are more relaxing, but are still spending less time doing the same.

This means technology is connecting us, but with lesser time to connect with our loved ones, it is also drifting us apart. To keep the warmth and sweetness of  relationships alive, it is crucial to talk and confide to our partners. An issue that may seem humungous at the onset may often sort itself out with a mature and honest conversation.

Am I running away from my deep seated fears?

We strike meaningful life-long relationships as grown-ups, but it is our childhood memories and upbringing that have a deep-rooted impact on our choices. A relationship often takes us in a zone, which is far away from our comfort zone. One of the partners, if not willing to rise, may find the relationship challenging.

Have you asked yourself that by breaking away from a relationship, are you actually running away from your own deep fears? A partnership also implies an open mind and embracing the road less travelled. Your partner will come with his or her set of ideas, wisdom, perspectives and thoughts. To save your relationship and to let it grow, you may have to come out of your comfort zone and set thought patterns for bettering the status quo.

Have I evaluated the entire scenario rationally?

“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It is a choice.” These profound words by Fawn Weaver, the American entrepreneur and author nails the impatience seeping through contemporary relationships. However, whether you are new love birds or a long-time couple, the turbulence that comes along with relationships may rock your boat if you are not putting enough thought and attention into it each day. Before making up your mind over this matter of heart, do evaluate the entire scenario with a rational approach.

When one introspects and thinks deeply, they find the reasons behind the cracks that may easily repair. All it needs is a good, comprehensive approach to understanding the situation and trying to resolve it. If after a thorough evaluation, one finds that the relationship is beyond repair and giving more negativity than can be handled, then it is in the best interest of all to break the bond.

Most relationships are worth the effort to save since there is emotional attachment involved. A breakup, without enough thought and due consideration of all factors, may prove detrimental for a person’s overall wellbeing. So nourish and cherish your relationship to gain abundant happiness out of it and think really hard before deciding on ending a meaningful bond.