Finally, you get the opportunity you have been waiting for all your life. To ace it, you have to prepare a presentation but are afraid of speaking in front of an audience. It is simply not your cup of tea, you are sure. However, not being able to muster the courage in this scenario leads to failure at the thing you actually wanted to succeed in. It then leads to unprecedented helplessness and even depression.
Similarly, you may be following a healthy eating pattern, but a vacation derails your conscious and balanced eating, leaving you stressed even after having a great time. A mindful approach to eating could have saved this health sabotage.
In fact, any type of self-sabotage happens when we destroy ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally in a deliberate manner that hampers our own success and wellbeing. Due to long standing negative thoughts, we sacrifice our larger personal goals. Sounds like a contrast but it is something that a lot of us do. In fact, legends like Abraham Lincoln, Roger Federer, Michelangelo and John F Kennedy also experienced some form of self-sabotage before establishing themselves as inspiring individuals.
Federer, one of the greatest tennis players in the world, had a passion for tennis since he was a young child. Ironically, he could not perform very well on the court. This led to huge yelling and smashing on and off-the-courts. This was, in other words, sabotaging his progression as a tennis player. His transformation happened overnight when he realized that a calm and consistent approach was the only way he could become a better player. It took extreme will-power and determination to change his persona to a mentally and physically strong and successful tennis player. And the rest is history!
We all have moments of low productivity, procrastination and self-doubts. But chronic self-sabotage can create havoc in our personal and professional lives. So let us delve deeper into the root causes of self-sabotaging behaviour and figure out the ray of hope of conquering it.
Dr Judy Ho writes in her book, ‘Stop Self-Sabotage’ that self-sabotage is a biological response that is necessary for survival. It is an innate trait of human beings or any living creature to protect themselves.
This is how it works – when we are faced with a threatening situation, our brains respond by retracting to protect us. During childhood, such behaviours are important. But if they persist in the long run, they become ingrained as behaviour patterns which pose risk to our healthy progression. These then inhibit our living and performing upto potential.
To decode self-sabotaging behaviours, it is important to figure the reasons for them being ingrained in a person.
Self-sabotaging can emanate from childhood experiences as they profoundly impact our beliefs, values, perceptions and behaviours. If during childhood, a person is subjected to too many ‘nos’, it can drive the child towards making a perception of uncharted territories as unsafe.
Similarly, if the child finds the atmosphere at home harsh, warring or abusive, it can make him or her trust people less and even question their own worth.
Self-sabotage refers to the unconscious patterns of behavior, thoughts, or actions that prevent individuals from reaching their goals or potential.
Identifying the root causes of self-sabotage requires self-awareness and reflection. Start by examining recurring self-sabotaging behaviors and the circumstances triggering them.
Yes, self-sabotage can be connected to past traumas. Unresolved traumas often lead to self-destructive behaviors as a way to cope or protect oneself from similar experiences.
Conquering self-sabotage leads to improved overall well-being. It can boost self-esteem, reduce stress and anxiety, enhance relationships, and promote a more fulfilling life.
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