Me-time and the route to self-discovery

Today, in the age of the internet, social networking is the order of the day. Meeting new people, engaging in meaningful conversations, sharing ideas, and being part of the public discourse are some of the perks of the digital age. But as we build new connections with others, sometimes we lose touch with our own self.

We interact with others but rarely listen to our own inner voice. While walking, eating or even while relaxing, the eyes are glued to the screen. And when our focus remains on the outside, we cease to look within. Perhaps that is why it has become more important to reconnect with ourselves and indulge in some quality me-time.

Now, me-time doesn’t necessarily require taking a day off from work, pursue a hobby or spend time with family and friends. It is about consciously slowing down the pace of life and indulging in self-reflection. Me-time means getting in touch with who we are.

Unfortunately, not many of us are used to the idea of me-time. As Dr. Ester Schaler Buchholz, a psychology professor at New York University writes in her book The Call of Solitude: Alone Time in A World Of Attachment: “Nature, culture, and social training have taught us to be afraid or feel helpless when we are alone. As powerful as these lessons have been, desires for alone-time persist, and often we fear what we wish for the most.” We often misconstrue solitude or me-time with loneliness and hence become wary of the idea.

Solitude and loneliness may seem similar at first, but they are two different experiences. Dr. Buchholz defines loneliness as a state of mind that is accompanied by a sense of isolation. Unable to belong or fit in, we could feel lonely even if we’re surrounded by hundreds of people. On the other hand, solitude is a choice that we make to declutter our minds. The purpose of solitude is to actively engage with oneself to find joy and satisfaction in one’s own company.

If we learn to overcome our fear of loneliness and embrace me-time, we can rediscover ourselves and heal the mind and body holistically. An article published by the Michigan State University lists the benefits of spending time alone: “Freedom increases with the ability to engage in desired activities; creativity strengthens through using the imagination, discovering self-transformation and developing new thought patterns; intimacy increases by becoming more self-sufficient, pursuing passions and maintaining an awareness of strong relationships with others; spirituality grows when given the space and freedom to question one’s place in the universe, personal thoughts and desires.”

Here’s how you can find the me-time for self-discovery.

Be idle in the mind

We live in anxious times where we have to be on our toes all day. So, the idea of consciously ‘pausing’ our lives to find some me-time may sound undoable to many. Nonetheless, it needs to be done. But how? Calming the chattering mind is not nearly easy. But, consciously tuning out from the external world to focus inwards gets you there. Though it might sound like a tremendous waste of time to some, human-potential coach Sanket Pai in his book The winning you: Master Your Focus and Avoid Distractions writes: “All successful people including business tycoons, musicians, poets, writers and sportspersons have attributed their success to their habit of being idle.”

The great mathematician and physicist Newton, for instance, discovered the concept of gravity only when he was sitting idle under an apple tree. Acclaimed composer Mozart often got his musical ideas while taking a stroll after a sumptuous meal. And physicist Niels Bohr discovered the atom’s structure whilst half-asleep—he literally dreamt the atom with a nucleus at the centre and electrons spinning around it. Perhaps, doing nothing may have its benefits, after all.

Be loyal to a self-care routine

No matter how tight your daily schedule is, find time for a non-negotiable self-care routine while balancing work and life. Add self-care to your calendar like all other important tasks and activities. You could even set an alarm to drink water, take a walk, and sit idle for self-reflection. Finding such moments every day will not only heal your body but also the mind.

Have a conversation with yourself

As social beings, we engage in conversations with others every day. But the idea of talking to ourselves could seem abnormal to some. Yet, it is one of the most powerful ways to discover ourselves and our innate nature.

In the talk show London Real, Hindu priest Dandapani explains that having a conversation with ourselves is no different from initiating a conversation with a stranger. Initially, the conversation could linger on trivia—our day-to-day activities, work or the weather. But as the conversation goes deeper, we grow closer to our conscious mind. “Eventually, you see all the beautiful things about yourself and all the ugly things about yourself. And the way to survive, right off the bat, is to learn to accept yourself for who you are and see yourself as a building under construction,” says Dandapani.