Setting boundaries: 4 ways to deal with insults and protect emotional wellbeing

My 8 year old daughter came from her school extremely upset one day, almost on the verge of tears. After some gentle coaxing, she revealed that one of her classmates had made fun of what she had carried in her tiffin box that day. It had made her feel hurt and insulted. As a parent should, I explained to her that it was her friend’s opinion and didn’t mean her tiffin was bad. No food is really bad. My daughter felt a little better after listening to me. I also told her that her choice may not be her friend’s choice but this didn’t mean that the latter could be hurtful about it. That evening, my daughter understood that there are boundaries to be maintained, even in friendships.  She assured me that she will be more assertive here on.

Not just children, adults too face similar situations, where people we know or even do not know very well, say insulting or demeaning things to us. Hearing negative words about ourselves – our body, finances, behaviour or anything else triggers a reaction of shame, lowers our confidence and even urges us to go into a shell. But to safeguard ourselves from other’s words, judgements or views, is our own responsibility. We have to set boundaries to ensure our emotional wellbeing.

We know how mulling over insulting words or reactions often lead to a bad mood, unnecessarily engaging our mind into a negative spiral. It impacts our creative capabilities and even lends itself to a negative self-image.

So if you are hurting due to an insulting behaviour of someone, decode what and how much that behaviour should mean to you. Also reflect on the ways that could uplift you to feel better without being impacted negatively.

Acknowledge your reaction and feelings

You have just faced an unpleasant and insulting behaviour and are feeling hurt, upset and angry. Rather than shrugging off those thoughts, let them run through. Feel and process them. If you keep pushing away the thoughts that are painful, they may erupt repeatedly, troubling and keeping you in a state of underlying anger.

For instance, those you thought were your ‘cool’ buddies, may have just intentionally or unintentionally commented on your body weight. While you too may not be happy with your increased body weight, a friend making a remark about the same might make you feel humiliated. Instead of ignoring these feelings, acknowledge and accept them. Once your initial thought of being insulted cools down, you may take it as a challenge and a wake-up call to shed those extra kilos. What you initially considered a humiliation can turn out to be an opportunity to keep you motivated and work towards reaching your optimum weight.