Why am I not happy? Here’s how to recognise hidden barriers that create unhappiness

For most of us, the irony of life is that while we are all chasing happiness, it is unhappiness or the fear of being sad that becomes a constant companion. You might find yourself very comfortable, working hard at a job you once dreamed of, living in a beautiful house and spending precious time with friends and family—on the surface, everything might seem perfect. Yet, there might be this niggling feeling of unhappiness that persists no matter what you do.

You may keep hearing that you have the ideal life, a fulfilling career, nice things and the love of those around you. But only you know that something feels off. It’s easy to assume that happiness follows once we achieve our goals or reach certain milestones. But, despite everything going well, the inner sense of contentment seems distant for many.

Feeling this way could be a result of many things. One reason that could be hiding in plain sight are the hidden barriers. These are obstacles or things we don’t always notice, that prevent us from fully embracing happiness. Internal obstacles like our own mindset, unmet emotional needs or fears that hold us back. We may not realise it, but these invisible barriers can prevent us from feeling truly fulfilled, even when it looks like everything is going well on the outside.

International Day of Happiness is celebrated on March 20th. This day was established by the United Nations to recognise the importance of happiness and wellbeing and encourages us to promote actions that contribute to a happier and more fulfilling life. On this special day, let’s explore what the hidden barriers preventing us from being happy are.

Unresolved past trauma

Have you experienced moments in school when you were sidelined during group discussions or plays? Did such incidents leave you feeling invisible? Or maybe, you were in a toxic relationship where you were made to feel worthless frequently. Well, experiences like these can affect how we view ourselves and how we interact with others. Some people carry the weight of their past trauma in this manner—without even realising its impact on their present lives.

These unresolved traumas can cause feelings of anxiety, low self-worth and mistrust. Without addressing these issues, they can continue to hold us back. Healing from past trauma is thus an important step towards breaking free and creating space for happiness.

Negative self-talk

“No, you can’t do it.”

“No, I don’t think they want to talk to you.”

“It’s impossible to get promoted, don’t make a fool of yourself!”

It is known that while we all have an inner voice, it can be overly critical and harsh in some cases. Indulging in negative self-talk, constantly doubting one’s worth or abilities, telling oneself that they’re not good enough or that they don’t deserve happiness becomes all too common for those people. What is worse, this kind of thinking can become so ingrained that one won’t even notice it when it starts to severely limit one’s potential and happiness over time. It is thus  crucial to combat negative self-talk in order  to achieve true happiness. 

Fear of change

A lot of us continue with the way things are going on in life because it feels familiar, even if it doesn’t make us happy. For instance, some of us are pursuing a college course that we don’t enjoy but stick with it because it’s what we have got. The idea of switching paths seems hard, almost impossible.

Even when we’re unhappy, change or trying to change can feel daunting. Fear of the unknown or fear of failure can prevent us from taking the necessary steps to improve our lives. This fear can keep us stuck in unhealthy situations. Although staying in our comfort zone may feel safe, it limits our potential for happiness.

So, it is important to remember that taking that first step towards something new can be challenging, but it’s the key to unlocking a more fulfilling and happy life.

Unmet emotional needs

Do you remember certain incidents in life where you felt unappreciated? Perhaps you worked hard on a work or college project and no one acknowledged your effort. Or maybe you did something kind for your sibling, but it went unnoticed. Indeed, such moments can leave one feeling unappreciated or worthless even.

It is only human to have emotional needs, like the need for love and appreciation. When these needs go unmet, you can start to feel empty. Acknowledging these emotional needs and finding healthy ways to fulfill them is essential for breaking barriers and moving towards true happiness.

Comparison to others

In the age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our lives to others. When we see other people achieving their goals or enjoying experiences we wish for ourselves, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy. However, it is important to remember that everyone has a unique path and constantly comparing ourselves to others can prevent us from appreciating our own journey and accomplishments.

So, one of the most important steps towards breaking free from unhappiness is to stop comparing ourselves to others. It is essential to embrace our own unique journey.

Lack of purpose

Many human beings often complain about a lack of meaning or purpose in their lives. It can be through work, relationships or personal growth. This feeling of lacking something can make people feel inadequate and unhappy as a consequence. One of the reasons this may happen is because they are often unclear about their goals or what truly matters to them. As a result, happiness becomes further out of reach.

So, its important to first sit down and patiently figure out what are the goals that truly matter in life. Once that is clear, a sense of purpose and action eventually comes into existence, making one happy and fulfilled.

Hidden barriers to our happiness are powerful forces indeed. They keep sending our joy just a little farther away from us. Whether it’s unresolved trauma, negative thinking, fear of change or unmet emotional needs, these obstacles prevent us from living content and happy lives. So, by recognising and addressing these hidden barriers, we can start to break free and create a path towards joy.