In today’s world, crying is often seen as a sign of vulnerability, with people labelling us weak if our tears fall easy. But it is actually a much deeper experience; when we cry, whether it is from the joy of achieving something we worked hard for, the sadness from watching an emotional movie or the utter grief of losing someone, we let out some of our most intense emotions.
According to research by Dr William Frey, director of the Psychiatry Research Laboratories at Minnesota’s St Paul-Ramsey Medical Center, crying can help reduce stress by removing stress-related chemicals from our bodies. It not only helps us emotionally deal with our problems but also helps our body find balance.
Crying lets us express feelings that sometimes words cannot. It’s an important part of how we heal and process our emotions. Our tears bring relief and help us move forward in life after a setback. However, when we see someone crying, we instinctively try to comfort them by saying things like, “It’s okay, things will get better.” Although our intentions are right, these words can sometimes feel dismissive. Our words might betray the actual intention, of wanting them to get better, through the process of crying if need be. So, it’s crucial to find the right words when you see a beloved cry. Let’s explore how to comfort someone who is crying and use words that heal.
People cry for many reasons. A tough day at work, plans not going as expected or something else that’s overwhelming. So, when you see someone crying and going through a hard time, it’s important to be sensitive about how you respond. Phrases like ‘It’s okay’, ‘Don’t be sad’, or ‘Don’t cry’ often feel insensitive to the ears of someone who is vulnerable and tearing up.
Instead, the correct thing to do when someone is crying is to simply be there for them. Your presence alone can be comforting. You don’t need to fill the silence with words or rush to fix their problems. Listen attentively and care silently—your quiet support can help them feel understood and less alone.
Sometimes, we struggle to understand why others cry. Secretly, we might even think their reasons are not significant. We may find ourselves wondering why they’re upset over things that seem trivial. However, it’s essential to remember that we haven’t lived their lives or experienced their challenges. Their feelings are deeply personal and valid, even if they don’t make enough sense to us.
So, when someone you care for is crying, it’s important to acknowledge their emotions. Instead of saying something like ‘Don’t cry’, try saying, “I can see that you’re upset and it’s alright to feel this way.” Saying something like this will help them feel understood. And by acknowledging their emotions, you can show your support and empathy.
No one really expects us to go overboard when we see them crying. Often, people in tears just need gentle reassurance.
Imagine, if you were crying about an argument with your family and someone offered to talk to your spouse or parent to sort it out—in most cases, you don’t need that kind of interference. It’s much more helpful to acknowledge the person’s feelings and offer gentle reassurance instead. Saying something like, “I’m here for you. We’ll get through this together.” is the kind of support that shows you care and are there to help them through their difficult time, if they so require.
Sometimes, a hug or holding hands can be incredibly comforting to someone who is crying. Imagine a friend who is crying because his or her relative is admitted to the hospital. In such a scenario, a simple hug or gently holding their hand can provide a lot of comfort. Physical touch, like a hug or just sitting close, tends to soothe many. It shows that you are concerned and are there for them more than words can convey. When the friend allows you to hug them for long or keeps holding that hand you extended, it means your gesture did what words possibly could not.
Many a times, people just need to let their tears flow to feel better and cope with the challenge or stress in front of them. At such a juncture, it’s important to give them the space they need. If someone needs time alone to process their emotions, then it’s important to respect their request, no matter how worried you might be.
Simply let them know you’re there for them and are available whenever they’re ready to talk. Giving your near and dear ones room to breathe can be a crucial part of offering comfort and support.
In a nutshell, it’s important to be compassionate and supportive when someone is crying. Offering your presence and listening without interruption is key to helping them. Most importantly, avoid dismissing their emotions or rushing to fix their problems. By following these guidelines, you can offer meaningful support, help them feel understood and cared for and enhance their emotional wellbeing too.
If you’re unsure of what to say, focus on being present and a good listener. Sometimes, the best support is just being there for them.
It’s better to first acknowledge their emotions and let them process their feelings.
Avoid statements that might invalidate their feelings, such as “Don’t cry” or “It’s not a big deal.” Instead, focus on acknowledging their emotions and offering supportive responses like “It’s okay, I am here for you” or “Whatever you need, buddy.”
If someone needs space, let them know you are available when they’re ready to talk or need support.
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