“Emotional self-control―delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness―underlies accomplishment of every sort.” ― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
Emotions play a major role in our lives as they influence and guide our daily actions. They impact our decision-making abilities and behavioural patterns. The American Psychological Association defines emotion as “a complex reaction pattern, involving experiential, behavioural, and physiological elements, by which an individual attempt to deal with a personally significant matter or event.” Emotions such as joy, anger, sadness, excitement, and disgust can influence how we deal with different situations and connect with others. Hence, we could benefit vastly by developing emotional intelligence to boost our sense of self-awareness and intuitive abilities.
In 1990, psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer defined emotional intelligence as “the ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour.” Emotional intelligence boosts our performance in both personal and professional spheres. It can even enhance the quality of romantic relationships. A study states that relationships characterised by a high level of emotional intelligence in two partners are “more committed and stable.” It further states that emotional intelligence also “increases the emotional awareness, emotional availability among partners and intimacy level in the relationship.”
Goleman laid down five key emotional intelligence skills: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Here are a few ways how you can develop them.
Practice effective self-management
Self-management allows you to take the steering wheel of life into your hands. It helps you gain control of your actions, choices, decisions and behaviours. For example, at a workplace, self-management skills can help you deal with stressful situations such as tough deadlines. Instead of losing your calm, you can control your reactions and come up with effective strategies to help reach your target. The same strategy can help you tackle difficult situations in your personal life. For example, self-management skills would come in handy while talking to your child about their low school grades. Instead of yelling at them, you would give them a chance to explain themselves. You can even assess the key areas such as study methods, discipline among others to identify the reasons behind their low grades so you can address them.
Become an active listener
When you are listening to someone, avoid formulating responses in your head and don’t interrupt them when they are talking. Listen to understand them and their perspectives. This emotional intelligence skill enables you to develop empathy and foster better relationships with others. For example, when a misunderstanding arises in a relationship, couples should listen to their partners instead of indulging in mindless arguments that can only exacerbate the conflict. By carefully listening to each other, you develop cognition of your partner’s feelings about the situation and gain a better understanding of the issues that probably led to the confusion.
Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to understand and manage one’s emotions and recognize and respond effectively to the emotions of others.
To develop self-management skills, focus on gaining control over your actions, choices, decisions, and behaviours.
Active listening involves truly understanding others by giving them your full attention and avoiding interruptions or formulating responses in your head.
Handling criticism in a healthy way involves taking a moment to reflect on the feedback instead of reacting defensively.
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