Scolding children in front of others? Dos and don’ts of raising mentally happy kids

As a child, do you remember your mom shouting at you for watching TV endlessly? Or your father cutting the cable line just before your exams? Or getting a slap on your face for speaking rudely to a relative at a gathering? Well, you may not be alone in experiencing such incidents. Many of us grew up with strict parents, where occasional shouting or even physical discipline was common. While this may seem like a normal way to raise children for most of us, research shows that such an approach can be harmful.

A study led by Rochelle F Hentges from the University of Pittsburgh has found that harsh parenting, which includes yelling, hitting and abusive threats can negatively impact children’s mental health and behaviour. This is because when parents scold children harshly, it can lead to feelings of fear, shame and insecurity in them. This can make them feel unworthy and unloved, impacting their self-esteem and overall emotional wellbeing.

It’s essential for adults to recognise the importance of creating a positive environment where children can thrive. World Children’s Day is celebrated on November 20th. It is a day dedicated to promoting children’s rights and wellbeing. It also serves as a reminder of the importance of nurturing and protecting the youngest members of our society, ensuring they grow up in a safe and supportive environment. On this special day, join us as we explore certain dos and don’ts for grown-ups on how to be around kids.

Don’t scold in public

Whether it’s at a party where a child accidentally drops food on their clothes or during a visit to a friend’s house where they break something, parents or caregivers often lose their cool and shout at the child. They may think it’s acceptable to humiliate them in public, but this approach can be harmful.

Licensed family and child therapist Susan Stiffelman explained in an interview, “We teach our kids how honest they can be with us based on how we react when they tell us things we don’t want to hear.” Here, Stiffelman highlights how our reactions shape children’s willingness to communicate openly. If we respond with anger, they may feel discouraged from sharing their mistakes in the future.

Further, scolding children or shouting at them in front of others can make them feel ashamed and damage their self-esteem. Instead of addressing such behaviour in front of others, it’s more effective to handle tough situations privately. Discussing what went wrong and its consequences in a supportive manner and on a one-to-one basis can lead to their growth and learning.

Don’t overindulge

In today’s era of gentle parenting, many parents focus on indulging their children and showering them with affection. While this new-age approach can create a loving environment, it can also have consequences. Overly indulging children without setting boundaries may lead to confusion about what is acceptable behaviour and can thus hinder their development.

Balancing affection with guidance is essential. Celebrating their successes and showing them love when they do well while also being clear about the consequences of their actions when they misbehave is important. By maintaining this balance, children learn that love is unconditional but it comes with responsibilities.

Practice kindness

In our daily interactions with adults, we often communicate in a blunt or indifferent manner and at times, end up using the same tone with children. But doing this can negatively impact their feelings. Being polite and respectful is important when interacting with children. They learn from the behaviour of the adults around them, so showing kindness sets an example.

Using words and phrases like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and treating them with respect teaches children the importance of good manners and how to interact with others. Showing kindness also creates a positive environment where children feel valued and confident. This also creates a ripple effect where these children grow up to be compassionate adults.

Adapt according to needs

Every child is unique and it’s important for parents to adapt to a parenting style that fits their child’s unique needs. What works for one child may not work for another, so being flexible is essential.

It is also important to observe how your child responds to different approaches—whether it’s discipline, encouragement or gentle teaching. Understanding their personality allows you to guide them properly and nurture their strengths. In a nutshell, adapting how you parent directly effects how they develop.

Make time for kids

Many parents today have hectic lifestyles and find it difficult to make time for their children. This lack of quality time often negatively impacts the parent-child relationship and the child’s emotional wellbeing.

Spending meaningful time with kids helps build strong connections. Whether it’s playing games, reading stories or just talking about each other’s day, these moments help children feel valued and important. Quality time helps show them that they are a priority in your life, which can greatly boost their self-esteem.

Thoughtful discipline

Discipline is an important part of helping children learn, but it should be approached with gentleness. Rather than resorting to harsh punishment, parents must focus on teaching them the right intention and consequence behind their actions. This helps their children understand the importance of making better choices.

Positive discipline techniques, such as setting clear expectations and proper routines can be very effective. These not only help kids learn and be independent but also strengthen the parent-child relationship.

Accept all feelings

Acknowledging your child’s feelings is important for their development and wellbeing. When children express their emotions freely, whether they are happy, sad, frustrated or excited, it’s important for parents to validate those feelings. The reason behind this is simple: when kids feel heard and understood by their parents, they are more likely to learn how to navigate their emotions better.

As parents, interacting with children requires thoughtfulness and care. By focusing on what matters, avoiding overindulgence and practicing kindness, adults can create a nurturing environment where children grow up to be strong, compassionate and unique individuals.