Take a break, you deserve it: Here’s how being kind to yourself is the secret to a happier life

God, I can’t get anything right.

Not again!

Why do I keep failing? Can I ever be good enough?

Why does everything I try feel like a giant flop?

This is how a lot of our self-talk sounds like. We tend to be our own harshest critics. For instance, we look in the mirror and don’t like what we see; whether it’s that extra weight or the slightly long nose, we feel self-conscious. At other times, we reflect on our choices; we wish we’d chosen a different career path or taken a different course in school. Or we think about past mistakes, like how we trusted people who let us down. These thoughts then lead to feelings of frustration and self-blame.

It’s very easy to fall into this pattern of self-criticism. However, constantly criticising ourselves does more harm than good. It keeps us stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and regret. Instead of motivating us to make better choices, it drains our energy and makes us feel worse. In all this wallowing, we forget that everyone makes mistakes. As American physicist Christopher Germer states, “A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.” Here, he explains succinctly how a single moment of being kind to ourselves shifts our mood for the entire day.

Indeed, practising self-compassion regularly can have a positive impact on our overall life. It is important to note that being kind to ourselves doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect, it means accepting ourselves just as we are. When we show ourselves patient understanding, we learn to move forward with a positive outlook.

So, join us as we explore how being kind to ourselves can help us lead a happier, more fulfilling life.

Builds confidence

When you start criticising yourself, the first thing that happens is that your self-confidence takes a hit.  For instance, imagine that you have worked really hard to get good marks in your exams. But then, you don’t get graded as well as you hoped. Or maybe you are a part of a sports team, expecting to help your team win, but you fail on a particular day. And then you start thinking, “I always let everyone down.” These thoughts can make you feel like you’re not good enough. You may even start to doubt your abilities.

Fortunately, the reverse is also true. When you are kind to yourself, you build a positive relationship with your authentic self. Further, having self-compassion allows you to bounce back from setbacks without being too hard on yourself. This change in how you think helps you become stronger, teaches you to continue growing no matter what, and also increases your confidence.

Reduces stress

In today’s competitive world, we are constantly under the intense pressure to succeed. For instance, a small mistake in an assignment can cost us valuable marks in an exam. We might then find ourselves cursing and criticising our actions, thinking how we could have done better. But this constant self-blame only adds to our overall stress and frustration. Life can be stressful but interestingly enough, much of that stress comes from the pressure we put on ourselves. When we criticise ourselves for every mistake, we add extra stress and worries to our already hectic lives.

Self-kindness becomes essential here. When we treat ourselves with compassion, we lower the stress hormone cortisol, and that in turn calms both our mind and body. This reduction in stress improves our mental wellbeing.